


at the end of the day (you're the one that i want)

by jxxhyxns



Category: NU'EST, Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Getting Back Together, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Sungwoon is the real mvp, does it count as miscommunication if there's a complete lack of communication?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-02 01:53:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16296044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jxxhyxns/pseuds/jxxhyxns
Summary: Minhyun deals with a break up in the same way any normal person would — he starts a blog.A blog where he gives other people love advice.Go figure.





	at the end of the day (you're the one that i want)

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Prompt #30 from Sirius Rises: Round 4. A lot of love for the SR mods, they have the patience of a saint.
> 
> Dear Prompter, I'm not sure if this is exactly what you were looking for but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless ♡
> 
> Disclaimer: I am not sponsored by Baskin 'n' Robbins but I should be.
> 
> Title taken from the 1D song of the same name.

Hwang Minhyun doesn’t do emotional breakdowns. Not in public, not in private. Hwang Minhyun doesn’t do unhealthy coping mechanisms either. Not self-medication, or throwing himself into risky situations. What Hwang Minhyun does do, is continue on with life absolutely fineー

****

“Bullshit.”

****

“Excuse me?” Minhyun fixes Jinyoung with a scandalised look from across the table but the younger merely continues sipping away at his banana milk.

****

“It doesn’t make sense. No one is absolutely fine after their boyfriend breaks up with them out of the blue in the middle of a Baskin 'n' Robbins. Not even you.”

****

“Way to sugar coat it there, champ.”

****

“If you’re absolutely fine why would I need to sugar coat it?”

****

Minhyun is suddenly overcome with the urge to reach over and squeeze the little bottle of banana milk so that it sprays in Jinyoung’s face. But that would be a waste. And a pain to clean up when it inevitably drips onto his homework. And probably not very nice considering Jinyoung is allegedly expressing his friendly concern.

****

So he resists.

****

Barely.

****

Whether Jinyoung and the rest of Minhyun's friends believe it or not, maybe Minhyun really is doing fine. Maybe Minhyun is doing fine because it wasn’t as totally out of the blue as they all seem to believe.

****

That’s not to say he understands exactly why Seongwu broke things off in the way he did, but something in Minhyun has been prepared for it ever since they started dating over a year ago. Some part of Minhyun always harboured a secret worry about just when Seongwu would grow bored of him and decide to move on. Evidently that turned out to be a couple of Thursdays ago but, Minhyun thinks, at least now he knows. At least now, there is no apprehension or uncertainty hanging over him while waiting for the other shoe to drop.

****

They’re done. Over. Finished. Unlike Minhyun’s cup of ice cream which sat there melting into a peppermint flavoured puddle long after the jingle of the bell at the door had signaled Seongwu’s exit.

****

But like he said, he’s fine.

 

“Enough about me,” Minhyun starts, eager to avoid discussing his dismal love life with a high schooler. “If you get some of these chemistry questions right you can tell me about how things are going with that cute foreign exchange student you were telling me about last time.”

 

There’s a beat where Jinyoung simply looks Minhyun dead in the eye and slurps loudly on the remainder of his banana milk, clearly unimpressed with the med student’s attempt at diversion tactics. But in the end he turns his attention to balancing chemical equations anyway, and that’s what counts, Minhyun tells himself.

 

Once Jinyoung has headed home from their tutoring session turned unsolicited life counselling, Minhyun cracks open his laptop to find ten or so new submissions to his blog, waiting for an answer.

 

What he can’t tell his friends is that, part of the reason he is so apparently _totally_ fine is that he is channeling any remnant of anguish into dealing with _other people’s_ love problems. It’s proven fairly effective so far but it is, Minhyun is aware, just a little embarrassing.

****

Perhaps it would be slightly less so, if he didn't name his blog _Emperor Love_. But, well, he can’t change it now; brand recognition and all that. Plus, it rhymes.

****

It sounded like a good idea at the time, and so far it hasn't proved to be a _terrible_ one.

****

Since there’s only so many times one can clean their entire apartment, top to bottom, it occurred to him that there were other, more metaphorical, messes that could benefit from his attention. No, not his own heart and the way that it was tearing itself to pieces! Of course not, he should instead expend his efforts in helping others to mend their own heart troubles.

****

After all, for them he has answers that he does not have for himself.

****

So far it’s been, dare he say, _fun_ ; people coming into his inbox to ask for advice or to gush about their crush or recount a success story. It brings a smile to his face whenever he finds he’s helped someone out, or even just to hear about someone working up the courage to find their feelings requited, and while he’s posting everything to the blog unless specifically asked otherwise, there’s still that sense of being confided in, of sharing love stories in a way that most did during their teenage years but Minhyun had missed out on.

****

It just so happened that, one of the first to stumble across his blog decided to link it in the ‘SNU Love Letters’ page and from there it took off. In spite of the less than obscure pseudonym and Minhyun's known adept sensitivity for offering advice, it’s unlikely anyone that knows him will suspect Minhyun to be the face behind the blog, because he doesn’t have a wealth of dating experience under his belt.

****

In fact, Seongwu is- _was_ \- his first boyfriend. His first kiss. His first of many things.

****

As a teenager, at the behest of his parents, every spare waking moment was spent at cram school or in acquiring specs for his university application. There was no time for dating, and even after his successful entrance into medical school, it wasn’t as if he suddenly had any more free time on his hands than he had in high school. Regardless he simply didn’t have the inclination, no matter how many of his peers expressed their own interest in him.

****

Or at least he didn’t, until Seongwu.

****

Until Minhyun had gone to pick Jihoon up from theatre club one evening and been spellbound by the club president. Jihoon will never let him forget the way he’d turned into a blushing mess, a surprising spectacle for the younger boy who’d only ever seen his Minhyun hyung as the epitome of calm and collected. Not that there is any way for Minhyun himself to forget that first meeting, but Seongwu always enjoyed the spin that Jihoon placed on it.

****

Minhyun swears he hadn’t come undone quite so easily at something as simple as a smile his way, but then again, when it comes to Seongwu, anything’s possible.

****

That's the thing ー with Seongwu, anything is possible and Minhyun used to think that included the possibility of forever. Bar that, he would have liked to think it possible they could still be friends.

****

The contrary was slammed into him the day after they’d broken up when Minhyun tentatively attended their monthly Friday movie night at Daniel and Jisung’s place, only to find that Seongwu had given it a miss. Unasked, Sungwoon explained that the resident theatre major was unfortunately busy with something relating to his latest production. The hard press of his lips and the look in his eyes told Minhyun that Sungwoon disapproved, perhaps wanted to say more but couldn’t.

****

Minhyun wasn’t going to push, but he was glad of the time to spend surrounded by his friends after the shock of the day before. He hadn’t told them but clearly they already knew, clearly Seongwu had announced with vigour his release from their relationship of over a year and so Minhyun had no need to explain it in the face of their sympathetic looks.

****

For that he was thankful, because the truth was he was still processing everything, and to attempt to do so out loud, even to those who cared for him, would most likely result in tears and perhaps embarrassment at his lack of coherence, his absolute absence of understanding as to why Seongwu no longer wanted him. Chasing desperate remnants of rationale in circles was unproductive, as was dowsing their cosy evening with tears so Minhyun wouldn’t entertain the thought of doing so, but resting his head on Daniel’s shoulder, he felt the chill of isolation that had left a sheen of ice under his ribcage slowly begin to thaw.

****

In fact, they spent the evening celebrating Jaehwan getting a solo in the choir club, with a special cake Jisung had been keeping in the fridge for him. It must have been an important solo because the cake was a fairly fancy one, with strawberries on top and _Congratulations_ inscribed in English with chocolate cursive, and Minhyun felt a little regretful that he had been so caught up in his own things lately that he didn’t even realise his friend had been waiting on something that important. But mostly he was happy to revel in excitement for Jaehwan, looking forward to finding out just what it is about this solo that distinguishes it so greatly from his previous performances.

****

If the atmosphere was a little strained from Seongwu’s absence, nobody mentioned anything, and Minhyun was proud of himself for only reminiscing _a little_ about when he used to have somebody who had always cutely insisted on feeding him the first bite of cake at occasions like this.

****

Since then, he hasn’t heard a word from Seongwu, hasn’t seen hide nor hair of him and Minhyun is more than a little disappointed. His few attempts to reach out by text have been seen and ignored but he supposes he can understand Seongwu wanting space.

****

That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

****

He’s not sure what pains him more; the idea that Seongwu can’t bear to see Minhyun’s face anymore, or the idea that he no longer cares to. Luckily for Minhyun, he doesn’t need to figure it out because he is feeling the acute pain of both possibilities simultaneously.

****

Good thing he has all these queries sitting in his inbox to distract him from it. He didn’t lie to Jinyoung, or to anyone else for that matter, when he said he was fine; he is. Or at least, Minhyun believes himself to be exactly that. Hearing of others unlucky in love and being able to, hopefully, offer some kind of solace to them has been like a salve for Minhyun’s own wounds.

****

At least, until now. Until his fingers scroll and his eyes stray to an anonymous message that is, at first glance, innocuous. The same as all the others. Yet as Minhyun begins to read, he also begins to realise that this is far from the case.

****

This one is different.

****

**_Anonymous asked..._ **

_I was on a date with my boyfriend when I realised I was in over my head and broke things off... It doesn’t matter that I regret it because I know I should have done it a long time ago but I don’t know how to stop wanting him in my life the way he was before. Any advice for moving on? (Please don’t say ice cream, we were in an ice cream shop when we ended things ㅋㅋ)_

****

As much as he hates to react in such a way, Minhyun’s first thought is that the message is from Seongwu.

****

_But it can’t be_ , he tells himself as the chatter of the cafeteria fades in his periphery, as his mouth runs dry, as his world once again narrows to the contemplation of one, single person.

****

It can’t be from Seongwu, because Seongwu would turn to his poetry anthologies for answers rather than the internet.

****

It can’t be from Seongwu, because Seongwu has been so busy in the lead up to his theatre production he hasn’t had the time to even reply to Minhyun’s texts, let alone seek out and send anonymous queries to some random love letter blog.

****

It can’t be from Seongwu, because whoever sent this is clearly still in love with the person they broke up with.

****

And that, more than anything, rules Seongwu out entirely.

****

Because for Seongwu to have been able to break up with him just like that, mid-ice cream date, whatever lingering feelings he may have had for Minhyun must be diluted; or at least far from the strength of whatever is keeping this person awake at night - and the subsequent silence speaks, ironically, loud and clear of certainty rather than regret.

****

But there’s an incessant irritation making itself known somewhere under Minhyun’s ribcage, like blunt fingernails scraping along bone, like hands scrabbling against ice, and it won’t let Minhyun rest; won’t let him entirely toss aside the prospect of the anonymous question being from Seongwu.

****

After all, how many couples break up in ice cream shops? Surely, not _that_ many. Surely, not so recently.

****

And maybe, just maybe, Minhyun knows that in light of Seongwu's recent pattern of uncharacteristically avoidant behaviour, this is his only chance to actually _talk_ to his now ex-boyfriend.

****

To work out where things went wrong.

****

His eyes linger on the last line of the message; the expression of laughter at the end undulating as his visions blurs, as if its mocking him and the haze of tears he’s suddenly found obstructing his sight.

****

He swallows and blinks it away, trying to get himself together. It might _not_ be him. It might just be Minhyun seeing Seongwu’s afterimages everywhere in the way that he has tried not to for the past week.

****

Besides, even if it isn't Seongwu, whoever it is on the other side of the screen, reaching out to Minhyun for a listening ear, deserves an answer too.

****

If only it was as easy to give and receive what is deserved, as it is to hit the post button.

 

**_Emperor Love answered..._ **

_Dear Anon...When we let people into our lives, I think we inevitably come away shaped by that choice, by that trust, whether it is for better or for worse. The way they have changed us may never go away or be undone, it simply becomes part of the patchwork of experience we take with us onwards, just as with everything else. It will take time for you to remold your life around yourself again but try not to be afraid of the empty space where you feel he is ‘supposed’ to be. We all need space to breathe. I have faith you’ll be able to move on when you’re ready (regardless of whether or not you have ice cream to act as a crutch.)_

 

***

 

There is some humour in the fact that the go-to balm for broken hearts, ice cream, is seemingly off limits to Minhyun as it would only further remind him of their break up. Yet, Minhyun is just as deserving of answers as Seongwu and, with no anonymous blog of his own to appeal to and even their mutual friends tight-lipped seemingly against their will, he settles for returning to the scene of the crime.

****

He’s not the first, apparently.

****

“I’m sorry?” Minhyun asks the sweet kid behind the counter to repeat himself, unsure if he’s heard correctly. A squint at his name tag reveals the part timer, most likely a high schooler’s, name to be _Kuanlin_. Minhyun remembers vaguely that he's the one who had served them when they were last here.

****

“Oh, uh, just that- he was here yesterday,” Kuanlin nods over to the booth by the window where Minhyun and Seongwu had been on their last date. “Sitting over there. I thought you might want to...know..” he trails off, perhaps regretting having said anything, given Minhyun’s almost icy lack of expression.

****

Minhyun tears his gaze away from the booth and clears his throat. “Thanks...Kuanlin,” he offers a warm smile in spite of the unease trailing icy fingers down his sternum.

****

The part timer slides him his cup of ice cream and wishes him a nice day, looking reassured. At least that makes one of them.

****

Minhyun returns the sentiment as he collects his peppermint swirl off the counter and wanders over to the booth where he and Seongwu had their last date. As he slides into the vinyl booth, he tries to imagine Seongwu sitting here yesterday sending that anonymous message but instead the memory of of their final moments as a couple swims before his eyes far more vividly.

 

_More often than not Minhyun is careful, overly conscious of how he presents himself but around Seongwu reservations like that no longer matter, those kinds of walls are turned to dust._

****

_Around Seongwu, Minhyun is able to laugh and cry and emote without worrying about how it looks and he’s sure the younger version of himself that used to agonise over eating in public, anxious over every little bite, would be galled to see this Minhyun, eyes creased in amusement, ice cream smeared haphazardly on the side of his mouth from where he’d miscalculated whilst laughing too hard at something Seongwu had recounted about the theatre group’s backstage shenanigans._

****

_“Did I get some on my face?” Minhyun asks, already knowing the answer from the way Seongwu’s eyes had darted down to his mouth, evidently amused._

****

_“Yep,” confirms his boyfriend, rolling his lower lip between his teeth as he makes his appraisal._

****

_There’s hunger in Seongwu’s eyes; the kind that can’t be satisfied by the barbeque they’d had earlier or by the ice cream they have in front of them, and Minhyun swallows nervously as Seongwu’s gaze tears away from his lips and returns to Minhyun’s eyes. Then Seongwu is leaning in ever so slowly, like this is their first time, and he’s pressing a kiss to the corner of Minhyun’s mouth so tender that it takes his breath away just as much as anything more passionate that has happened between them. Seongwu’s lips linger, tip of his tongue darting to clean up the ice cream, and his breath fans across Minhyun’s cheek for a moment before he’s pulling away again._

****

_Minhyun can tell he’s blushing, still not entirely used to PDA even after more than a year together, but he enjoys the way a chaste kiss or a hand on the small of his back from Seongwu in public can make his stomach do flips like it’s their first date all over again._

****

_Seongwu seems about to say something and Minhyun looks down shyly, unable to bear the strength of the adoration he can see in Seongwu’s gaze. Minhyun will come to realise that perhaps he hadn't been seeing things accurately at all. Wishful thinking had given him rose-tinted glasses through which Seongwu's intense look appeared more favourable than perhaps  it truly was._

****

_“Let’s take a break.”_

****

_Minhyun lets out a laugh as he goes to get another spoonful of his ice cream. “Really?” he asks with amusement. “You’re breaking up with me just because I’m a messy eater?”_

****

_It’s funny because Minhyun is generally the furthest thing from a messy eater; Jinyoung had assured him of such as the high school senior’s classmate apparently sets the bar pretty high for that one._

****

_Then Minhyun looks up, to see Seongwu isn’t smiling. In fact, he has a faraway look in eyes so starkly different from earlier that it gives Minhyun chills._

****

_Suddenly it isn’t funny._

****

_“Oh my god,” Minhyun marvels as it dawns on him. “You’re_ serious. _You’re- you really want to-”_

****

_He can barely get the words ‘break up’ to leave his mouth but he doesn’t need to because Seongwu is quick to reply._

****

_“I think we should see other people.”_

****

_It clicks, then, and Minhyun’s heart is racing from the adrenaline of having his worst fear realised. Seongwu really has grown tired of him in the way that Minhyun dreaded all along. By the sounds of it, he’s found someone he’s rather be with too. It was bound to happen when Seongwu is the campus heartthrob but they’ve been together long enough that Minhyun was starting to think that maybe- just maybe--_

****

_But he was naïve to hope for more than his due and really, he’s grateful, that Seongwu is a nice guy; nice enough to break it to him gently, nice enough to take him out on a date one last time._

****

_That’s what goes through Minhyun's mind as Seongwu waits for some kind of answer but Minhyun knows it’s not a question. What else can Minhyun do but say ‘okay’? What right does he have to_ _~~beg~~ _ _ask Seongwu to stay if he no longer wants to?_

****

_Minhyun isn’t that selfish. He’s not that pathetic either._

****

_“Okay,” Minhyun says softly, and then, again, louder: “Okay Seongwu.”_

****

_He glances out the window in order to compose himself. He misses the way Seongwu trembles at the sound of his name leaving Minhyun’s lips._

****

_When Minhyun looks back again, they’ve both composed themselves except Seongwu has so acute a look of distress in the depths of his irises that Minhyun is almost glad when the other gets up to leave so he no longer has to see it._

****

_It’s nice of Seongwu to care about the mess of heartache he’ll be leaving Minhyun to flounder in after he leaves, even if it is unavoidable. Collateral damage, so to speak._

****

_Even so, he’s shellshocked, unable to even turn to watch Seongwu go because his gaze is frozen on where his now ex-boyfriend had been sitting across from him only moments ago, but the jingle of the bell over the door lets him know that Seongwu has indeed left. Has left him._

****

_A tentative hand rises to unconsciously brush the corner of his mouth where Seongwu’s lips were only moments ago. It hits Minhyun then, in a slow almost sluggish way, as if waking from a dream; it hits him that that was a goodbye kiss._

****

He’s startle out of his recollection when the bell at the door sounds and he looks up and over his shoulder, as if in hope that his thoughts of Seongwu might have somehow summoned the other man here.

****

It’s not Seongwu.

****

Of course it’s not, and Minhyun hastily turns back to his ice cream, finally taking the first bite and letting the cold sensation ache in his teeth instead of remembering the painful combination of heartbreak and whiplash he’d received last time he visited this establishment.

****

He doesn’t remember walking home after that final date, but he remembers turning the key in the lock and opening his front door into an empty apartment. Jonghyun is still on exchange in Japan so it’s just him for the time being. They’re planning to sublet his room out until he comes back but the new tenant isn’t set to move in until next month. Which wasn’t ideal initially, but Minhyun had found it a blessing then, unsure how he would have handled having to come home in that state to someone he barely knew.

****

He hasn’t messaged Jonghyun about the break up yet, knows his best friend would be worried and frustrated that the distance between them would only allow him to console him over Skype call. Besides, Jonghyun has a lot on his plate at the moment and Minhyun doesn’t want to add to it. He’ll tell him when he’s ready; when he can do so convincingly enough because - although he’d adequately fudged his way out of the concerns of his other friends so far - he’s known Jonghyun long enough that they can’t lie to each other.

****

Minhyun could say he’s fine and Jonghyun would instantly know that even Minhyun himself doesn’t really believe it.

****

His visit to the ice cream shop doesn’t give him the answers he needs but he goes back every second day anyway. It’s a fairly good study spot, he reasons. It’s not because being there makes him feel closer to the man he wishes he could stop missing.

****

If Kuanlin’s on shift he’ll have him taste whatever innovative flavour they’ve just brought in ( _“It’s important to get out there and try new things, hyung”._ ) Sometimes, the taste test will be accompanied by an update of another kind; it seems Seongwu has been frequenting the place almost as often as Minhyun and, by Kuanlin’s account, have missed each other by a hair a number of times.

****

Minhyun isn’t sure if he should be glad of the missed connections or not. He can’t tell if Seongwu hasn’t been bringing his new _whoever_ here (which, Minhyun can recognise, would be in poor taste), or if Kuanlin has simply omitted the information out of concern for Minhyun.

****

Although never much of one for social media, Minhyun has made a point of staying away from it anyway just in case he sees an update from his ex-boyfriend that will cause him more pain than necessary. Sure, he’d all but sent Seongwu on his way with a blessing when he realised the other had someone else he’d rather be courting. As Seongwu’s tentative friend (Minhyun has found himself assuming this title in the interim as a coping mechanism in the face of so many question marks), he should be supportive — and he is; he wants the best for Seongwu just as he always has.

****

But that doesn’t mean Minhyun has to _see it._

****

Both he and Seongwu have been reduced to lurkers in their group chat with their friends and it means what time he has spare in study breaks is spent on his blog. It’s after Minhyun returns home from his first re-visit to the local Baskin ‘n’ Robbins that he finds another message by the now, self-proclaimed, ‘ice cream anon’.

 

**_Anonymous asked…_ **

_Hey, thanks for the advice last time. It helped put things in perspective, reminded me why we parted in the first place. So he could breathe. Both of us, I mean. I think you’re right when you say we don’t lose the influence they had on us. I think a part of me will always love him but I guess I can see myself becoming okay with that. Eventually. ~Ice Cream Anon_

 

Well, at least Seongwu hadn’t told him to his face that his relationship with Minhyun was suffocating. That would have been a bit too cruel and if there’s one thing Seongwu isn’t, it’s that. Which is why Minhyun’s so sure that, if this _is_ Seongwu, he must not know that it is Minhyun behind the URL.

 

**_Emperor Love answered…_ **

_Glad I could help. If there’s anything else you need my door_

 

Minhyun frantically backspaces his mistake.

 

**_Emperor Love answered…_ **

_Glad I could help. If there’s anything else you need my inbox is always open ^.^_

 

***

 

With each passing day, it becomes more and more apparent that Minhyun is not, as he had so vehemently insisted, anywhere near the realm of okay. He can change the sheets and he can rearrange the coffee mugs in his kitchen and he can put away all the old films they had stacked up with the intention of watching, but nothing he does can erase the traces of Seongwu. There are memories everywhere Minhyun turns to look in his apartment but even when he closes his eyes, in bed at night or even in an effort to subvert the wave of sorrow that threatens to drown him in the middle of the supermarket, he knows it’s no use because even there, in his mind and in his heart, lies Seongwu.

****

Even his own skin, bared for contemplation under the running water of the shower still seems to bear traces of Seongwu’s hands and mouth and affection even if all the visible marks have long faded. It doesn’t help that Seongwu had stayed over often enough that the sharp notes of apple in the scent of his shampoo reminds him of Seongwu’s arms around his waist, steady heartbeat against his ear - just as much as the hoodie Minhyun found in his closet belonging to Seongwu does when he wears it against his better judgement.

****

He probably shouldn’t be wearing it at all, deluding himself even in sleep that Seongwu is still with him or is likely to come back.

****

He should probably return it, but the thought of doing so - of seeking Seongwu out amidst the radio silence - makes Minhyun’s stomach roll. What if he takes it back? Or worse, what if he doesn’t, because the idea of Minhyun still wearing it doesn’t affect him in the slightest?

****

For all the assured words he has pedalled out for the sake of others on his blog, Minhyun doesn’t know how to deal with the lasting impression that Seongwu has left or how to rid himself of it.

****

He doesn’t know how to deal with the truth that he doesn’t _want_ it to go away.

****

He didn’t want Seongwu to leave him, how can he want all that he has left of him to disappear too?

****

The indecision leaks into his life in other ways, no matter how much he tries to stem the flow, and so that’s how Sungwoon finds him standing at a loss in the instant ramyeon aisle, unable to pick his poison, so to speak, and the to-ing and fro-ing over MSG is what makes clear to Sungwoon with a quiet finality that his friend is not as okay as he has claimed to be.

****

Minhyun startles out of his reverie to notice Sungwoon’s presence at his shoulder when he reaches past to grab a packet and put it in Minhyun’s basket.

****

“There, that one allegedly has the most vegetables in it,” Sungwoon explains. “Because I _know_ you’re going to regret eating this half-way through instead of whatever healthy shit you normally snack on at midnight.”

****

Minhyun turns to look at his friend, glassy eyed out of gratitude and the plethora of other emotions that have been wreaking havoc in his head and heart unchecked for the last few weeks.

****

It’s enough for Sungwoon to sigh sympathetically. “Has he talked to you yet?”

****

Minhyun shakes his head mutely.

****

Sungwoon sighs again and swears under his breath. “He said- well, he’s intending to. Taking his Goddamn time working up to it. But when he does, can you promise me you’ll hear the jerk out?”

****

“He’s not a jerk.”

****

“No, trust me. He’s definitely a jerk,” asserts Sungwoon, evidently frustrated at being caught in the middle.

****

“He’s not a jerk for falling out of love. Or like, or whatever.”

****

“Falling out of-- _Jesus Christ_ ,” Sungwoon exclaims, throwing his head back, looking up at the bright fluorescent lights in askance.

****

“He’s found someone else and that’s okay.”

****

“You’re okay with that?”

****

“I didn’t say _I’m_ okay. Just that _it’s_ okay. For that to happen. Objectively.”

****

“Well it doesn’t matter, because he hasn’t.”

****

Minhyun startles at that. “He what?”

****

“There’s no one else,” Sungwoon reiterates. “Look, we’re all trying our best to- to be there for you guys without interfering too much but I don’t think I can be faulted for correcting this particular misconception of yours. Seongwu isn’t seeing anyone at the moment.”

****

_Seongwu isn’t seeing anyone at the moment._

****

He didn’t think it was possible, but the discovery actually makes Minhyun feel worse. As much as it hurts, it’s understandable that Seongwu might have found someone better; why stay with Minhyun when his interests were now elsewhere? It’s simple, really. The reason for his departure is not set solely on the shoulders of Minhyun himself.

****

But if what Sungwoon is saying is true, then Seongwu must have truly disliked being with Minhyun, and that’s it. There’s no other competitor, just Minhyun who’s found that all he had to give to Seongwu wasn’t enough. Wasn’t what Seongwu wanted.

****

Minhyun can’t count the number of times he’s teared up in recent days but this is the first time he allows them to spill over, no longer bothered with fighting them back.

****

“Shit! Minhyun, I’m sorry-” Sungwoon clearly didn’t expect this kind of reaction and panics, reaching up to pull his friend into a hug.

****

The taller drops his basket in favour of wrapping his arms around Sungwoon’s torso. He’s hunched over to rest his head on his shoulder and it’s an uncomfortable position but he doesn’t care.

****

“God, you two,” Sungwoon mumbles, “for two people so smart you sure are dumb.”

****

Minhyun doesn’t need to understand what he means in order to be offended but he hugs Sungwoon tighter anyway.

****

Unbeknownst to the two of them, at the end of the aisle stands another broken heart, who sees the misery rolling off Minhyun in waves and decides he has been right to stay away, if only to refrain from causing further harm.

 

***

 

The arrival of his new housemate means Minhyun is forced to get things together at least a little, lest the next six months be incredibly awkward. He finds soon enough that Kang Dongho is a comforting presence to have around the place, and their easy back and forth gives Minhyun a new dynamic to explore instead of contemplating the death of an old one.

****

It comes up eventually, though. Although not in the way he expects. He’d been so preoccupied with Seongwu that he’d forgotten that, before they were a thing, people had always assumed Minhyun and Jonghyun were dating.

****

“No, no, no,” Minhyun corrects in a bit of a fluster as he leaps up to fetch something to clean up the coffee he’d inadvertently spat onto the table in his surprise.

****

(Thankfully it had missed Dongho. Just.)

****

“No, we’re not a thing; Jonghyun and I. Strictly best friends since sandpit era grade school.”

****

Dongho seems amused by the strength of Minhyun’s reaction. “So based on our newly Jackson Pollock’d dining table, either there _is_ something going on with you and him or… there’s someone else?”

****

“There’s someone else,” Minhyun concedes as he sits back down.

****

“What’s he like?”

****

Whatever expression Minhyun is wearing must speak strongly enough for him, because Dongho doesn’t wait for an answer. Instead he says;

****

“Let me know if you need me to punch him for you.”

****

And the image of Seongwu’s scrawny ass up against his tank of a housemate is comical enough for Minhyun to laugh.

 

The next time Minhyun goes to what Dongho has termed his ice cream hideout, the latter asks if he can come along and without much thought, Minhyun finds himself saying yes. Dongho doesn't know his history there and if there's any chance of Minhyun being able to grab ice cream like a normal college student without having to relive emotional trauma everytime, then perhaps this is the answer.

 

He rolls his eyes when Kuanlin slyly commends him for 'trying new things' but since the place is quite busy, they end up sitting in Minhyun's usual booth anyway when its occupants get up to leave just as he and Dongho are paying. It's not a date no matter what Kuanlin may think, and he knows both he and Dongho are on the same page about that, but for the first time in a long time he feels entirely comfortable here, not constantly on edge as if Seongwu is about to walk in and demand to know why Minhyun's heart refuses to let him go.

 

That, of course, means that this is the time when Minhyun should have been keeping an eye out because it's with a total, unsuspecting turn of the head that he glances out the window and sees Ong Seongwu standing outside on the pavement, brow creased as he taps away at his phone.

 

It's almost surreal. On the other side of the window pane is the one person Minhyun has been the closest to - emotionally and physically - in his entire life, the one person he has been wanting to see yet scared of encountering.

****

The few centimetres of glass simultaneously feel as thick and alienating as that of an aquarium, as if he would not be heard even if he were to pound his fists upon it, and as thin and fragile as paper, at risk of tearing under the weight of his gaze.

****

What matters though, is that the window pane is, of course, transparent. Which means that when Seongwu glances in the window, he spots Minhyun staring back at him and there’s a moment where the two make eye contact and the world feels as if it slows to a stop—

****

—at least until Seongwu’s eyes slide over to where Dongho is sitting across from Minhyun, and he immediately turns on his heel and hastens away down the street, as if he wants to put as much distance between them as humanly possible in a matter of seconds.

****

In other words, Seongwu books it, and Minhyun turns to look at Dongho in shock. But his housemate is perceptive and already knows who it must be that has just made such a dramatic exit and Dongho shoos Minhyun out the door, telling him to go after him.

****

So Minhyun does just that, he grabs his coat and is out the door of the Baskin ‘n’ Robbins so fast you’d think the place was about to fall into a sinkhole. The only sinking is the feeling in Minhyun’s stomach as he spots his ex-boyfriend already at the street corner but fortunately, the traffic lights are his ally and he manages to catch up to him at the pedestrian crossing.

****

“Seongwu!”

****

The man in question freezes but slowly turns and deigns to look him in the eye, clearly knowing who it is that called him. Minhyun finds himself breathless from more than just the exertion and bereft of whatever he had planned to say; be it in anger or confusion. Seongwu’s eyes are, as they have always been, expressive and the hurt there speaks volumes into the silence that lingers between them on the street corner.

****

“Seongwu,” Minhyun begins again, softer this time. “Let me walk you home.”

****

“It’s not polite to ditch your date to corner your ex, Minhyunnie.”

****

He’s well used to the bite that comes with Seongwu’s words when they aren’t getting on, having had their fair share of petty arguments during their time together, but it’s the ease with which the endearing nickname rolls off Seongwu’s tongue that catches Minhyun off guard.

****

Seongwu, too, seems surprised by what he’s let slip out and when the pedestrian crossing sounds he decides to use that as a cue to leave.

****

Sungwoon may have told him Seongwu was wanting to talk things out _eventually_ but either he’s changed his mind or he’s working from a very different timeline to Minhyun and honestly, the latter is frustrated now. He follows Seongwu across the crosswalk, dodging pedestrians coming the other way in order to stay close enough to Seongwu to explain.

****

“He’s not my date, you ass. He’s Jonghyun’s replacement.” Minhyun winces, guessing Dongho probably wouldn’t feel so great about the title. “I mean, Dongho’s my housemate; he’s renting the spare room out while Jonghyun’s at Tōdai.”

****

Seongwu stops in his tracks when they reach the other side and Minhyun’s repeated plea is nearly lost in the roar of the traffic beginning to move again.

****

“So please, let me walk you home.”

****

The look Seongwu gives him out of the corner of his eye is a tentatively hopeful one and Minhyun has to moderate his delight from showing too strongly on his own features when he sees the other man nod in the affirmative.

****

They unconsciously set a brisk pace as they make the short journey to the block of flats where Seongwu lives; an unspoken awareness that the conversation that needs having isn’t one for the sidewalk.

****

They make small talk. About Seongwu’s production which is apparently a comedic play they’ve adapted into a musical. About how Minhyun’s applications for placement are going. About all the life things they’ve missed in the gulf of the past month; everything except the fact that they’ve missed each other. Or, at least Minhyun has missed Seongwu. That’s all he’s really sure of at this point.

****

The fresh air and ambiance of the night is enough to dispel the potential awkwardness but that’s all well and good until they find themselves in the cramped stairwell of Seongwu’s apartment building. There seems to be an unspoken agreement that Minhyun walking Seongwu home means he'll come up to his place and Minhyun tries his hardest not to remember the times they’ve stumbled tipsily up these stairs, hands all over each other and a lack of patience that led to more than one make out session again the wall where anyone could’ve seen them.

****

It’s never been so difficult not to imagine the sensation of Seongwu’s lips on his neck, Seongwu’s hand sliding under his shirt, Seongwu’s knee between his thighs and suddenly Minhyun’s finding it hard to breathe.

****

He wants to get to the door as soon as possible so he surges ahead, only to accidentally cause their hands to brush and he holds his breath as if that might stop the butterflies in his stomach from escaping.

****

Maybe this isn’t such a good idea, after all.

****

Once inside, Minhyun falls into habit without even realising; placing his shoes in the same spot he always has, hanging his coat on the same peg. It’s upon doing the latter that Minhyun realises that underneath his overcoat he’s been wearing that hoodie, _Seongwu’s_ _hoodie_. He swallows self-consciously and pretends not to feel the way Seongwu’s eyes are burning into his back.

****

For all that Minhyun has been waiting for this chance to finally _talk_ , now that it’s here he’s nervous. He’s not sure where they’ll be when he leaves this apartment, what or who they’ll be to each other. He’s still deciding whether that’s better than floating in the abyss of the last month when Seongwu finishes making them each a cup of coffee.

****

Seongwu gestures for them to sit beside each other on the sofa and it all feels too bizarre, too unreal, too composed compared to the ugliness of emotion that has been running Minhyun ragged since they broke up.

****

“Sungwoon said you’re not seeing anyone.”

****

Seongwu surveys Minhyun curiously from over the rim of his mug. “Why would I be seeing anyone?”

****

“Isn’t that why we…you know... to see other people?”

****

God, a whole month and he still can’t even say the words easily. It’s pathetic, really and he wishes he wasn’t so affected in front of a very calm and collected Ong Seongwu.

****

“Are you?”

****

“Am I- seeing someone?” Minhyun repeats, having not expected the question although perhaps he should have.

****

The only person he’s been seeing is Seongwu in his dreams.

****

“No,” he clears his throat, looking down at the coffee mug clasped between his hands. “I’m not seeing anyone.”

****

He so badly wants to look up to see Seongwu’s expression but by the time he gathers the courage he’s a beat too late. Anything that might have shown on his face is now covered by polite indifference.

****

Perks of being an actor, Minhyun supposes. (But the insecurity that has always been there, like a leech on their relationship, is keen to remind Minhyun not to assume Seongwu is acting. Maybe he truly is indifferent. Maybe he truly doesn’t care whether or not Minhyun has moved on.)

****

But he’s sick of the uncertainty, tired of the lack of communication, so Minhyun’s thirst for straightforward questions and straightforward answers outweighs any potential hurt he may feel from what they reveal.

****

“Why did you end things between us, then? I thought perhaps you’d found someone…” _Better_. “...else.”

****

“There’s no one else.” _But you_.

****

Minhyun wonders if he’s hearing the implication Seongwu intended or if he’s just too sickeningly optimistic about their prospects, even after all this time. “Then why…?”

****

Seongwu releases a shuddering breath and Minhyun is almost light headed with nerves, anticipating what he’s going to say.

****

“It was a- a spur of the moment thing and I regretted it before I’d even turned the corner,” Seongwu is earnest and Minhyun almost believes him. Minhyun wants to believe him, but—

****

“Spur of the moment things don’t come out of nowhere, for no reason, Seongwu. They have roots in _something_ and clearly that something was strong enough to stop you from trying to take it back.”

****

That was what had hurt the most, the radio silence.

****

“I wanted to, but- I didn’t think _you_ wanted me to.”

****

“What?”

****

“You didn’t protest or- or even try to argue, or anything like that. You just let me hand that shit to you, like it was something you’d been waiting to receive.”

****

He isn’t wrong there. Minhyun _had_ been waiting for it, but not because it was something he _wanted_.

****

The inevitable comes to pass whether you want it to or not.

****

“So I thought,” Seongwu continues. “I thought that maybe that’s what you’d wanted for a while now but hadn’t been able to say anything.”

****

He swallows and Minhyun’s heart aches at the idea of Seongwu thinking, for even a moment, that Minhyun doesn’t want him. The ache gets worse the more Seongwu goes on.

****

“It made me feel like shit, and- and I know it was wrong of me to avoid you, and I’m sorry for that, but...I couldn’t look at you knowing that I loved you more than anything in the world, more than you loved me, and that that had become some kind of- some kind of trap for you. That my happiness was the cause of the absence of yours.”

****

“Seongwu…” Minhyun’s tone is one of regret, that he ever allowed Seongwu to feel this way — that he never _noticed_ — but Seongwu must hear the apology and take it as pity because he flinches, eyes falling to his lap where an anxious thumb worries the seam of his jeans.

****

“I’m not faulting you for that, I just wish I’d realised sooner.”

****

Minhyun sighs and reaches out a careful hand to grasp his ex-boyfriend’s chin and turn him to look him in the eye. He licks his lips before he speaks and he doesn’t miss the way Seongwu’s eyes follow the action.

****

“Seongwu, I have never been happier than when I was with you. Never.”

****

Minhyun means it with every fibre of his being; knows that he would have been content to the heights and the depths of his soul to spend every waking moment of the rest of his life with Seongwu. But though he says the words with as much sincerity, as much love, as he can muster, it doesn’t seem to be enough for Seongwu, who still looks hesitant.

****

“But you could be happier, though. With someone else, in the future.”

****

_He sounds like me,_ Minhyun thinks.

****

“I don’t want someone else, I want you.”

****

“How do you know, though? When you don’t have anyone to compare me to?”

****

Minhyun’s stomach drops like a stone and he lets his hand fall. “You told me that didn’t matter to you.”

****

“It _doesn’t._ But- well, it could matter to _you,_ y’know, down the track-”

****

“Down the track?”

****

“Later on you might come to feel locked in or-”

****

_“Locked in?_ ”

****

“Are you ever going to let me finish?”

****

“Are you ever going to say something that makes sense?”

****

It’s with an exasperated exhale that Seongwu rises from the couch then and Minhyun fears that in giving in to the back-and-forth he’s so used to between them, he’s interfered with the delicate balance they had managed to maintain until now.

****

The sight of Seongwu’s back turned to him makes Minhyun’s stomach roll. It reminds him too much of when he’d watched his boyfriend leave him weeks ago, without so much as a backward glance as he walked out, Minhyun’s heart still in his hand.

****

Ripped from his chest, bleeding, but still very much Seongwu’s.

****

That hasn’t changed, and Minhyun tenses in preparation for the same as Seongwu walks, step by step, away from where Minhyun is perched precariously on the couch. When Seongwu disappears into the doorway of his room, Minhyun tears his eyes away from the empty space to fix on the coffee table. He wonders if this is a cue to leave, if he should be collecting his coat and making his way out the door—

****

—until Seongwu is returning just as suddenly as he departed.

****

There’s something clutched in his hand as he seats himself beside Minhyun once again, even more tentatively than the first time. His newfound hesitation finds its explanation in the way Seongwu reaches out to place the small, velvet box on the table.

****

Perhaps, in this moment, it is not Minhyun’s heart vulnerable in Seongwu’s hands, but Seongwu’s heart in his. (Perhaps it should always have been both at the same time, right from the start.)

****

“Is that…?” Even the softness of Minhyun’s wonder sounds too loud in the silence; too coarse amidst the hope that floats in the air around them.

****

“You can, uh, you can open it,” Seongwu suggests, rubbing at the back of his neck. “If you want to, that is.”

****

Minhyun wants to. He wants a lot of things but, he thinks, it’s probably in his best interests — in _their_ best interests — to reign those desires in.

****

There could be anything in that box, he reminds himself as he reaches for it.

****

It could be the spare key to Minhyun’s apartment being returned. It could be the USB he’d lost at the beginning of semester. It could be a gift card.

****

Minhyun tentatively cracks the box open and—

****

It’s not a gift card.

****

It’s a ring.

****

A silver band, polished and delicate, sitting atop a plush velvet cushion.

****

If he weren’t sitting down, he’s sure he’d be weak at the knees at the sight of it.

****

At the implication.

****

If his hands weren’t resting on his knees, he’s sure he’d be in danger of dropping the precious thing.

****

All Minhyun can think to say is:

****

“You were planning to propose to me in a Baskin ‘n’ Robbins?”

****

Seongwu lets out a laugh, it’s a bit rough, as if it’s pushed its way out of his throat unexpectedly, past the apologies that have piled up, threatening to burst. “The plan was actually back here — there were even cheesy candles and shit. Sungwoon helped me set it up. But you were craving peppermint swirl and-”

****

“And?”

****

“And you looked so beautiful, across from me in that small booth by the window, with that smear of ice cream on your lip, that I was torn between asking and just kissing you senseless right there.”

****

Seongwu’s cheeks are tinged red but his eyes are undeniably fond.

****

Minhyun is undeniably charmed, but in the end, Seongwu had done neither of those things.

****

“So,” Minhyun begins slowly, as if wanting to ensure he understands completely. “Instead of asking me to marry you, you instead asked for us to take a break?”

****

“Essentially that is what happened, yes.”

****

“That’s one hell of a gay panic, Seongwu.” There’s a wry smile pulling at the side of Minhyun’s mouth and Seongwu huffs out a light laugh.

****

“I just- I was scared, by how much I want you in my life and by the risk that comes with caring for someone so much that you would do anything for them.”

****

_Including give them up, if that’s what you felt the situation called for_.

 

"It wasn't so much that I was expecting us to get married incredibly soon," Seongwu continues. "We're both still in school after all, but it's a future I knew I wanted with you and I liked the idea of us having that promise between us; was fairly optimistic that you might like the idea too."

 

He's not wrong; Minhyun really would have enjoyed the idea. He still remembers when he'd taken Seongwu as his date to his cousin's wedding and, when they were watching the vows and later when they were swaying together on the dance floor, he couldn't help but imagine himself and Seongwu in that same scenario. He remembers catching the bride's bouquet - well, not so much catching it as shielding his face from the floral missile that he's almost certain his cousin aimed directly at him, considering he was nowhere near the group of bridesmaids and guests that had gathered in wait for it. He remembers catching Seongwu's eye amidst the amused applause; remembers the smirk on Seongwu's lips that made Minhyun both want to kiss him, and wonder if perhaps they were thinking the same thing.

 

It dawns on Minhyun that, if Sungwoon knew of the plans Seongwu had, then the others most likely knew too...and that beautiful congratulatory cake that Jisung had allegedly prepared for Jaehwan was, perhaps, initially intended for...him and Seongwu...

 

Minhyun knows that, had Seongwu asked, he would have said yes, but he'd hadn't gotten around to it, apparently held back by the insecurity that Minhyun wouldn't want to commit to forever with the first boy he's ever loved. Perhaps Seongwu even felt guilty, as if making the depths of his love known would somehow manipulate Minhyun into agreeing to a future he might realise he no longer wants once he's experienced more of the world.

 

That's something that has always grated on Minhyun, the way Seongwu seeks to protect him from things Minhyun isn't even aware of, without asking, even though they are the same age. Even though Minhyun is more than capable of looking after himself.

 

It's something they'll have to work on.

All the same, Minhyun’s not sure if he can believe what Seongwu is telling him. Minhyun’s not sure if he can believe that the reason his (ex-)boyfriend broke up with him was because he was too devastatingly in love with him. Because he thought that in being so, he was unfair to Minhyun who, in this version of events, is apparently not devastatingly in love with him in return.

****

It’s dumb and it sounds exactly like something his kind-hearted idiot of an ex-boyfriend might actually do.

****

But Minhyun’s more of an idiot for letting it happen.

****

“I understand you thought you were doing the right thing by, I don’t know, _setting me free_ or whatever it is you thought you were doing but… that’s the kind of thing you need to talk to me about. Not decide for me.”

****

“I know, _I know_ , I just…” Seongwu runs a hand through his hair in agitation and Minhyun wants to card his fingers through it soothingly instead. “I’m sorry.”

****

He opts for placing a gentle, hopefully comforting hand on Seongwu’s knee. “I’m not blaming you, because we both should have said more to each other. I'm sorry, too. I should have told you about how insecure I felt; grateful for our time together but so..so _sure_ that one day someone else would come along you would like better than boring old me.”

****

Seongwu looks about as horrified as Minhyun felt earlier at Seongwu’s revelation. “You thought _what?_ ”

****

“That’s why I let you go so easily, because I knew it had to happen one day and above all I wanted you to be happy, even if it wasn’t with me.”

****

That’s what it came down to, really. They both thought the other would be better off without them, when in reality they were perfectly content with how things were, never wanting to look elsewhere.

****

“God, we _are_ idiots. Sungwoon was right,” Seongwu laughs.

****

“He told you that too?” Minhyun can’t help but join in with a chuckle of amusement.

****

It must have been terribly frustrating for their friends throughout all of this. They should buy them chocolates, or take them out for meat, or something by way of apology now that he and Seongwu are…on speaking terms.

****

But there’s one more thing Minhyun wants to sort out.

****

“I have something to show you too,” Minhyun says slowly, choosing to respond to Seongwu’s curious, confused look by reaching into his pocket to take out his phone.

****

He tenses when he realises that Seongwu can easily see that Minhyun hasn’t bothered to change his wallpaper; it’s still a photo of them from Namsan Tower, arms curled around each other’s waists in a casual show of intimacy that Minhyun has dearly missed these past few weeks. He quickly unlocks it and brings up the _Emperor Love_ page, specifically the post where he had answered the first question that he thought might have been from Seongwu.

****

Seongwu sucks in a breath at the sight of it and awkwardly scratches at the back of his neck. “How did you find that?” he asks in embarrassment before the realisation hits him. “Wait, you- you’re _Emperor Love_?”

****

Minhyun grimaces at hearing his cheesy pseudonym spoken out loud. “Uh, yeah. That’s me. So you...you really sent those?”

****

“I really sent those, but I didn’t know you were the one who owned that blog.”

****

“I figured.”

****

“Why?”

****

“If you’d sent them to me on purpose it would’ve made you an asshole.”

****

“I wasn’t already an asshole?” Seongwu is positively joyous at the prospect.

****

“No, you weren’t. Not in my eyes anyway.”

****

“Yeah, Sungwoon made it pretty clear how he felt about me. I think he was also a bit pissed about having to light a shit tonne of candles for nothing.”

****

“You’re lucky he didn’t burn the place down.”

****

“Indeed I am,” he agrees, glancing around the room as if appreciating the fact that it’s still standing, largely uncharred. Then he looks back at Minhyun. “So you knew the messages were from me, then?”

****

“Ours is a fairly uncommon break up story.”

****

That, Seongwu easily, if a little sheepishly, concedes. “If you knew though, why didn’t you do anything?”

****

“What do you mean why didn’t I do anything? I replied and gave what I’ve heard from reliable sources was some really good advice."

****

“I mean why didn’t you approach me about it? From what I remember I wasn’t exactly ambiguous about still being in love with him- well, _you_.”

****

“Yes, and you were also quite clear about seeking advice on how to _move on_. I didn’t want to interfere with that process if that’s what you really wanted.”

****

“So what was today then? Chasing me down the street-”

****

“First of all, I did _not_ chase you down the street. I called out to you in passing. And secondly, I was just...tired, and thought we both deserved closure of some kind.”

****

“Have you got what you wanted now? Closure?” Seongwu asks, gesturing between the two of them.

 

"I'm still not sure if I have what it is I really want…”

****

“And that is?”

****

“You. I’ve been in love with you for long enough that I don’t know what it means to stop and I don’t want to find out. Preferably, you’d also be part of that equation but…”

****

“Oh don’t you pull that deferential _‘No pressure, it’s okay if you don’t want to blah blah blah’_ bullshit Hwang Minhyun.”

 

In all fairness it’s a hard habit to kick but Seongwu had been helping him with it. Although it's a bit rich coming from Seongwu given what he's just admitted about his reason for initiating their break up.

****

“I am quite literally ready to marry you, if I haven’t made myself clear enough,” Seongwu continues, reaching out to take the little velvet box from Minhyun’s hand and snaps it shut, instead tangling their fingers together in his lap. “But as much as I would love that, there’s clearly a lot we need to sort out.”

****

“You mean the venue?” Minhyun asks, tongue in cheek.

****

“I mean the car crash that is our attempt at communication.”

****

“Fair call.”

****

“I thought so, yes.” As he speaks, Seongwu proffers the hand holding the small box and Minhyun looks down at it in confusion.

****

“Then what..?”

****

“This isn’t me proposing, but I’d like you to take this with you and give it, give _us,_ some thought. Think of it like a promise ring and, when you’re ready, let me know how you feel about us moving forward from here.”

****

Minhyun takes it almost reverently. “Okay, I will. I promise.”

****

The two share a fond smile, former bitterness softened by their newfound optimism, and with their hands clasped in his lap, Minhyun wants to stay like this a little longer.

****

He’s missed Seongwu so much that even sitting next to him set all his nerves alight and now that they’re holding hands he never wants to let go. But it’s a Monday night and he has an 8am lab tomorrow— and much to think about.

****

“I’ll get going now, okay?” he intones softly, but before he stands, Minhyun leans forward and presses a featherlight kiss to the corner of Seongwu’s mouth.

****

His intentions are chaste but the new proximity to Seongwu is intoxicating after so long and he can’t help but think that, if he moved his lips _just a little_ , they could kiss properly. He could clamber into Seongwu’s lap and take his head between his hands and his lower lip between his teeth and they could make up for all the lost time, all the lost touch—

****

But knowing them, one thing will lead to another and it’s not the right time.

****

So a small peck it remains, as Minhyun exercises impressive self-control and draws back. Seongwu looks a little dreamy, even from that, and later when he’s helping Minhyun put his coat back on he can’t resist ghosting his lips over the soft skin of Minhyun’s neck. A kiss that is barely there; a promise to be fulfilled.

****

A goodnight kiss, not a goodbye kiss.

 

***

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

Minhyun winds his way through the chaos of the backstage area post-production, searching for any sign of Seongwu. It’s cramped and Minhyun’s tripped over more than one clothing rack and he’s fairly sure some of the shorter cast members have accidentally been buffeted by the large bouquet he’s carrying. He’s worried he might have gone overboard with the flowers but today is special and he owes Seongwu a lot more than flowers.

****

He finds the President of the theatre club helping the stagehands roll away part of the set and he proudly watches Seongwu in his element here just as much as he is on stage. When Seongwu straightens and turns, his face lights up at the sight of Minhyun in the wings and makes a b-line towards him.

****

Minhyun is nervous, even though it’s Seongwu, _because_ it’s Seongwu, so he pushes the flowers at him, first chance he gets. “Congratulations on a show well done.”

****

“Thank you, Minhyun.” Seongwu’s smile is a mile wide and even with his heavy stage makeup on, he looks breathtaking.

****

His smile falters only slightly when he takes a proper look at Minhyun and sees what the other is wearing around his neck.

****

“Is that…?”

****

“Your ring? Yes,” Minhyun confirms a little shyly, hand reaching up to finger along the fine chain he’s strung the silver band upon.

****

“Is this…?”

****

“My answer? Yes.”

****

Seongwu’s mouth gapes open for a moment before he finally finds his words.

****

“Hyunbin! Hold my fucking flowers please!”

****

Seongwu has barely thrust the bouquet into the poor prop manager’s arms before he's grabbing Minhyun by the collar of his jacket and pulling him into a kiss.

****

A cheer erupts from those nearby and there’s a 98% chance the wolf whistle is from Minki.

****

However, the cheer quickly dissipates into groans and calls of _‘Get a room!’_ when the two show no sign of breaking the kiss. One of Minhyun’s hands has found its way under Seongwu’s shirt and he has half a mind to give in when he feels Seongwu’s tongue swiping at the seam of his lips. Formerly shy about PDA, Minhyun has made it his mission to ensure Seongwu knows that he is loved, and just how much so, no matter where or in whose company they are in.

****

It’s not a need for air or even a concern for public decency that causes the two to break apart; it’s Minhyun remembering that the job is only half done. Seongwu pouts when Minhyun pulls away and the shine in his eyes, the swollen red of his lips, and the heaving of his chest makes for such an alluring sight that Minhyun almost forgets what it is he remembered.

****

But luckily his hand has already begun to reach into his pocket, and the feel of cool metal between his fingers brings him back to the purpose at hand.

****

“This is for you,” he says, holding up the fine chain of a necklace to match his own; strung upon it, a ring of its own.

****

There are definitely tears welling in Seongwu’s eyes as he turns and invites Minhyun to put the necklace on him. Once he’s done with the clasp, he presses a kiss to the back of Seongwu’s neck, resting his hands on his waist. Uncaring of their audience, having forgotten it entirely, Minhyun trails his lip up to Seongwu’s ear where he whispers,

****

“Ong Seongwu, will you be my boyfriend?”

****

Seongwu turns his head to make eye contact with Minhyun, who has leant forward to rest his chin on Seongwu’s shoulder, and the pure happiness Minhyun sees means he feels as if hears the answer before Seongwu even speaks it aloud in a breathless whisper.

****

_“Yes.”_

  
  
  
  
(Minhyun is overwhelmed with both pride and embarrassment when he sees the video of them online. It’s no secret that Minki was the one who had taken and posted it because as soon as Minhyun and Seongwu kiss, he can be heard crowing about Aaron having to pay up. Minhyun discovers the video, not from Youtube or from Jonghyun’s excited LINE messages, but because someone called Ice Cream Anon has kindly left the link in his _Emperor Love_ inbox, along with the caption: #couplegoals.)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Constructive criticism always has a home in the comment box  
> xo


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